i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
