Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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