I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
