We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
