I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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