Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
