I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
