Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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