This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We need to get me chipped asap
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
