I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
