We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How's work?
Spinning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
