so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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