do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
