Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
