And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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