I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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