Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
