I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
