I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
