Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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