i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
