she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
