im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
