Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
