I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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