dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
