You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
