he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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