Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
