when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize