Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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