I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize