I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
