ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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