i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
