Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
