he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize