She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
