doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
