I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
