: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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