Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
