You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
