i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
