I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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