it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
