U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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