I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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