Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
