Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Houston, we have a blender
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
