I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
