Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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