I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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