I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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