don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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