i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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