Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
