i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
