im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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