How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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