You can't motorboat a personality
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
