the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize