I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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