is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
