I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
