Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Vodka?
Forever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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