He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
