Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
