dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
