i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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