Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
