Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
