you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
