Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
