okay pat passed out under dana's car
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
