The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
