Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
