Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
