I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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